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experience
July 2008 
The Art of Being Depressed
Posted on May 25th, 2008
by 
wanderer7
wanderer7
all through my 20's I suffered from depression.
Sometimes it could come for a week, sometimes a month; but there were long periods of hopelessness, just sheer despondency. Not knowing my place, not knowing why.
There were no warning signs of this. Many have chronic doubts and struggles in high school; the early signs of a lifelong struggle with depression, but I sailed through fine. School wasn't great, as I've alluded to before, but I did have academic success, and that gave me a sense of pride. Plus I was very busy with a part-time job slaving at McDonalds, so there wasn't too much time to dwell on things.
No, no warming signs then. But after high school ...
set adrift on the sea of life. School had been a cocoon for this naive soul; with only my mind to work with, I applied it to the subjects I was taught. Vain efforts. Months after leaving school, I found how empty those exam studies had been.
So I was fortunate in a way ... it wasn't a genetic blight on me, this curse of depression, it was an existential one, and I was wise enough to realise that. To find meaning, and purpose, that would solve the problem! But where? where to turn to?
Not an easy problem to solve. The old answers in religion would blind us no more; science offered nothing but speculations on the mind. Reading psychology only made one doubt even further, the new age sounded like rantings and ravings of illogicality. I was stumped.
This would be my way for the next 10 years. Stumbling in darkness, blinded my nothingness, a dark empty cavern of mental anguish; an inner pain, a black rot inside my being. All ways to describe that Noonday Demon of Depression. No meaning. No purpose. Why do this? or that? it didn't matter. Long minutes dragging out, waiting, waiting ...
but there was respite. There were periods of excited activity; throwing myself into a new venture, a new system of thinking that I so dearly wished would give me ALL THE ANSWERS. But no. They would always disappoint. I would have the Holy Grail disintegrate in my hands, as I watched my life dissolve into Nothingness and Meaningless all OVER AGAIN. The depression would return; The Existential Angst.
But then ... one truth solved it all. Like the keystone of the puzzle. One phrase, one utterance.
"you are a spirit having a human experience"
and then it all made sense.
Depression has not touched me since.
Access: Public
amen, brother… amen.
“you are a spirit having a human experience”
I had a period of depression when I had ovarian cancer.
One utterence from a friend…..aren't we lucky we are on this journey together?
I think they make a nice combo.
We are spirits having a human experience…aren't we lucky we are on this journey together?”
:)
I'm so glad that you're now free of depression! And I'm happy you wrote this. I have a feeling it's going to help a lot of people who need it.
Thanks for sharing something so personal and so powerful!
Wonderful sharing straight from your heart. Deeply moving! Deep bows and namaste!.
awesome! i am not sure if depression will return for me or not. but for now, 2008 has been full of sunshine for the most part, and though there are painful moments, friends are always there. and yeah, i do see life very very differently than i did last year when i was depressed.
Thank you for sharing this with us. In life we just never know what could make us change for the better.
Be safe,
Paul
Happy you Heard that particular dance song of TRUTH and illusion! May you love well and deeply. Thank you for being my friend-spirit dancing with the cyberhuman experience! :)
” You are a spirit having a human experience”
Well , Put!
We all experience human experiences it is when we can turn them around , and focus on being well , and focus on health rather then the label. this is when you truly can shine.
Lots of love,
Loriann
Thanks for sharing. May be that's what dark nights of the souls are for. To really show us we are spirit having a human experience.
Alluvja
I am very happy that you found this idea to be a truth that spoke to you.
W7 - I too have dealt with the poison that is depression, and I've had discussions with many people about it. It sounds like you had your “a-ha!” moment that allowed you to escape from the depths of darkness and found a path as a “light warrior” (or worker, but that sounds so much less exciting!)…well said.
This is beautiful…
Thanks for sharing this : )